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Whether it is a cheating spouse or a difficult relative, many readings center around power issues that are difficult to grapple with when they needn’t be. What makes these issues difficult? The prohibition against extended anger.

The prohibition against extended anger isn’t talked about among men nearly as much as it is among women. In fact, women, in general, seem to fear anger that lingers past a few days.

Anger will eat you up eventually.

You need to let go of your anger.

Why keep drawing in such negative energy?

These are all those little warnings that you shouldn’t continue with anger with a situation or person. Far from being a comfort, the warnings serve to prevent the exercise of personal power, to insist on changes either with a situation or within yourself, to prevent the event from happening again. In other words, to keep you within the “well socialized woman” passive stance.

Granted, there are situations where expressing anger can lead to danger, but it is the form of the expression that is the problem, not the anger itself. So why is it so important, to some, that you “let go” of a necessary tool for survival?

You are less accessible and your anger reveals some unpleasant realities about life.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing for the angry person, but is frightening to those accustomed to your being emotionally available, and this should be a red flag. The concern being expressed over your anger isn’t based on your needs at all, but theirs. You are more aware of where your limits are and are ready to insist on their being respected. Very inconvenient for those who enjoy talking you into participating in conversations and activities that are not necessarily your cup of tea.

You a step outside of a shared mentality. You become an outsider to many, which is extremely important to people afraid to make the same sorts of changes in their own lives. You don’t seem nearly as safe when you start rearranging your life, using the anger as the catalyst for positive change. Denying and letting go of your anger might be the worst thing you can do to yourself, to make others more comfortable.

Embrace your anger. Explore the feelings and take the actions you deem necessary, as long as they are not violent, against others. Recreate your inner space by incorporating this new found knowledge. Raise your standards and expectations where needed and hold your head high.

It isn’t the anger you must fear, it is the absence of change.

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