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Whether it is a cheating spouse or a difficult relative, many readings center around power issues that are difficult to grapple with when they needn’t be. What makes these issues difficult? The prohibition against extended anger.

The prohibition against extended anger isn’t talked about among men nearly as much as it is among women. In fact, women, in general, seem to fear anger that lingers past a few days.

Anger will eat you up eventually.

You need to let go of your anger.

Why keep drawing in such negative energy?

These are all those little warnings that you shouldn’t continue with anger with a situation or person. Far from being a comfort, the warnings serve to prevent the exercise of personal power, to insist on changes either with a situation or within yourself, to prevent the event from happening again. In other words, to keep you within the “well socialized woman” passive stance.

Granted, there are situations where expressing anger can lead to danger, but it is the form of the expression that is the problem, not the anger itself. So why is it so important, to some, that you “let go” of a necessary tool for survival?

You are less accessible and your anger reveals some unpleasant realities about life.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing for the angry person, but is frightening to those accustomed to your being emotionally available, and this should be a red flag. The concern being expressed over your anger isn’t based on your needs at all, but theirs. You are more aware of where your limits are and are ready to insist on their being respected. Very inconvenient for those who enjoy talking you into participating in conversations and activities that are not necessarily your cup of tea.

You a step outside of a shared mentality. You become an outsider to many, which is extremely important to people afraid to make the same sorts of changes in their own lives. You don’t seem nearly as safe when you start rearranging your life, using the anger as the catalyst for positive change. Denying and letting go of your anger might be the worst thing you can do to yourself, to make others more comfortable.

Embrace your anger. Explore the feelings and take the actions you deem necessary, as long as they are not violent, against others. Recreate your inner space by incorporating this new found knowledge. Raise your standards and expectations where needed and hold your head high.

It isn’t the anger you must fear, it is the absence of change.

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Keeping the interest flowing in your relationship require more thought than physical effort, but is also require we let go of some unhealthy notions about love!

Of all the greatest issues that face people today, keeping the life in a relationship is probably the most vexing and taxing. To keep that initial spark alive while coping with day to day issues is almost too much. There is a basic misconception that ends most relationships before they begin, much less flourish.

If we step back for a moment and really examine what hapens when things start going wrong, we see a common thread. Yes, it’s communication…but it’s not quite that simple. It’s the type of communication that makes all the difference in the world.

Most people think saying “I love you” on a regular basis should take care of things. For men, regular physical intimacy becomes a focus that doesn’t fulfill their needs for appreciation. For women, the flowers, chocolates and courtship behaviors just create more tension, especially if they are expensive. So, how do we bridge the gap and keep love alive?

Look around and what your spouse or long term beloved does for you on a daily basis. Not deep kisses and extended love making, but thngs like taking out the trash, washing the socks, taking care of the car-as long as it isn’t their hobby. It’s these little things that need a “Thank You” everyday. This shows that you are paying attention, that you value these chores and your not having to nag to have them completed. These little adffirmations also let your beloved know that you keep an eye on their moods, physical health, energy level, and well-being. This is the appreciation that men want. This is the effort that women need to see.

It is our daily life that we share with our spouse or long term beloved, and it is this day after day contact that creates “Forever”. It’s not the stuff of fairy tales, it’s not the unreasonable expectations used to make people buy rings and flowers and expensive meals. It is the deep seated observance that becomes a secular devotion, and the deepest, forever kind of love that we truly seek.

 

 

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